January 4th 2002

That was the date of my last chemotherapy treatment for breast cancer.  I am now 6 years in remission.  It still affects me every day - not the cancer part - I'd have forgotten that a long time ago.  It's the aftereffects of the surgery that are the reminders.  The loss of the breast for one thing, of course.  I've considered reconstruction but from pictures I've seen, the results are not worth the effort.  Better a nice clean scar than a Frankenstein monster on one's chest.  It's true, sometimes they do come out ok, but 90% of the photos I've seen make me say no thank you.   The other thing is that due to nerves being cut during surgery, post mastectomy I lost sensation over a swath of chest and underarm from sternum to back.  I know it's a gross thought, but you could stick a needle in it and I wouldn't feel it.  And lastly, I was left with a mild case of lymphedema.  I am very lucky it's mild.  When I worked as a nurse, I took care of women who had severe lymphedema, to the point where they had to carry their arm in a sling it became so big and heavy.  No, mine is not at all like that.  In fact, unless you were seeing my wrists right next to each other, you probably wouldn't notice it.  But I have to be extremely careful in what I do and I have to take very good care of it because it could at any moment in time turn into a severe case.  I do the best I can, but I am not always 100% good about it.  I am not supposed to carry anything heavier than 10-15 lbs on that side.  My family rushes to take things from me all the time, which makes me feel like an invalid.  I don't like the feeling - and I don't want to become weak, so I still carry things when they are not around.  Sometimes when I am shopping, I forget and carry my purse on that arm, which I shouldn't do.  If by some chance I get a cut or burn or any sort of injury in that arm, I have to be very careful about infection.  Once I bumped it and it swelled up causing some concern, but after wrapping it in a compression wrap for a bit, the swelling went away.  Every 3 nights, I wrap the arm in 3 layers of ace bandage-like wraps (compression bandages).  They are not really ace bandages - they are lymphedema wraps that I special order online.  I have to do it at night, even though it makes sleep difficult because it almost completely immobilizes the arm and would be a greater inconvenience to deal with during the day. Finally, when I fly anywhere, I always wear a compression sleeve and gauntlet.

Though I'd like to forget about it, it's something that I live with and think about quite a bit, even after 6 years. Cancer ruined my 40s completely, I'd have to say. I had career plans, and between the cancer and my daughter's difficulties, they were pretty well obliterated.

Nevertheless, I am very lucky and happy to be here. In the past 6 years I've completed a master's degree (in middle school education) as well as a two-year certificate in adult Jewish education from Florence Melton, taught Sunday school, volunteered for Reach-to-Recovery, parented my kids who were ages 10, 12 and 17 when I was diagnosed, been around to help my daughter through some very difficult times and to see both sons off to college, visited Florida, New York, Arizona, Hawaii, Rome, Florence, Moscow, St. Petersburg, Spain, Prague, Budapest, Jamaica, the Cayman Islands, and the Dominican Republic, been able to see my husband's dear face every day, taken care of my parents as they've become less able to take care of themselves, had great times with family and friends, thrown some nice dinner parties, eaten in many terrific restaurants, sipped some fabulous wine in some very nifty places, enjoyed writing some bad poetry, had a blast taking pictures with my very cool camera and done 4.5 years of blogging. 6 winters, 6 springs, 6 summers, 6 falls. I've enjoyed them all.

Yeah, I'd say it's definitely been worth hanging around and I am fortunate for the way things have turned out.

   

Note: Sorry for the I, I, me, me-ness of this post. I generally don't like making me the issue and it won't happen again for a while, I promise. Hard to resist doing it from time to time when you have a blog...

Comments

[DRaftervoi]

Yeah...as I always put it, "Life may suck, but it sure beats the alternative. Every day you're alive is a good day."

[alisa]

Speaking as a spouse of one who will be 6 years cancer-free in July 08, thank you for not cratering :-) and it's really okay for us to pamper you every so often---so congratulations on all you have done, including kicking cancer's butt.

[Donnna]

Thank you for this post, Gail. It gave me a chance to say, "Hi". So glad you are still here. Hope all continues to be well for you and your family.

[Charles]

Six years cancer-free, and counting! Hurray! May you have 6(times 10) more.