Parenting Teens
My daughter will be coming home from residential treatment soon. We are all doing a lot of advance work to anticipate potential problems and try to address them before she comes home.
What follows is a very useful checklist that daughter, husband and I each filled out separately, after which we got together to compare notes. It turned up some very interesting things - we agreed more than we disagreed thankfully, but more than that, it was an excellent starting point for some good conversation on issues that parents and teens need to discuss.
In the event someone else out there might find it useful, here it is:
Parent-Teenager Decision-Making Worksheet
Key:
1= Completely the teenager’s decision
2= Teenager decision with parent input
3= Parent decision with teenager input
4= Completely the parent’s decision
Fill out the following form as honestly as you can. Do not answer as you figure the other individuals in your family would like you to answer, just put your honest feelings.
1 2 3 4
1) What clothes I wear __ __ __ __
2) How I wear my hair __ __ __ __
3) When I take a shower/brush teeth __ __ __ __
4) When I go to bed __ __ __ __
5) What food I eat __ __ __ __
6) What hobbies and interests I have __ __ __ __
7) What friends I see __ __ __ __
8) When I see my friends __ __ __ __
9) When I see my girlfriend/boyfriend __ __ __ __
10) Whether I have a steady girl-boyfriend __ __ __ __
11) My curfew time __ __ __ __
12) When I get my driver’s license __ __ __ __
13) Whether I get my own car __ __ __ __
14) Who pays for my car and insurance __ __ __ __
15) When do I get to drive my car __ __ __ __
16) Who puts gas in my car __ __ __ __
17) When do I get to drive the family car __ __ __ __
18) Do I get a part or full time job __ __ __ __
19) What job do I take __ __ __ __
20) What hours do I work __ __ __ __
21) How much personal money I spend __ __ __ __
22) Spending money on small purchases __ __ __ __
23) Spending money on large purchases __ __ __ __
24) Whether I go on family outings __ __ __ __
25) How do I spend time on family outings __ __ __ __
26) How I spend my free time __ __ __ __
27) When I visit with relatives __ __ __ __
28) Active social time with relatives __ __ __ __
29) What forms of discipline are used __ __ __ __
30) When discipline is used __ __ __ __
31) Whether I go to school __ __ __ __
32) Whether I get to be late for school __ __ __ __
33) What school subjects I take __ __ __ __
34) What classes I take or drop __ __ __ __
35) What grades I make __ __ __ __
36) When I study and do homework __ __ __ __
37) What school I attend __ __ __ __
38) Cleanliness of my room __ __ __ __
39) Whether I have household chores __ __ __ __
40) What my chores are __ __ __ __
41) When are my chores completed __ __ __ __
42) Whether I follow basic household rules __ __ __ __
43) How do I spend my summers __ __ __ __
44) Is there a weekly allowance __ __ __ __
45) How do I earn my allowance __ __ __ __
46) Whether I obey the law __ __ __ __
47) Whether I attend therapy sessions __ __ __ __
48) Whether I graduate or get a GED __ __ __ __
49) Whether I attend church __ __ __ __
50) When I move away from home __ __ __ __
51) How much time I spend watching t.v. __ __ __ __
52) Weather I get body piercings __ __ __ __
53) Whether I smoke or use alcohol at all __ __ __ __
54) Whether I go to 12-step meetings __ __ __ __
55) Whether I have a sponsor __ __ __ __
56) Whether I have tutoring for school __ __ __ __
57) What types of movies I watch __ __ __ __
58) What music I listen to __ __ __ __
59) Who chooses music while in the car __ __ __ __
60) Whether I get a tattoo __ __ __ __
61) How much time I spend on the computer __ __ __ __
62) What Internet sites I view __ __ __ __
That discussion would terrify me.... Good Luck!
Posted by:oceanguy | May 22, 2007 at 12:45 PM
Maybe I should have prefaced this with a few disclaimers: "Exercise caution when trying this at home. Be sure to have a good therapist handy. Positive results are not guaranteed."
Posted by:Gail | May 23, 2007 at 08:14 AM