Chemobrain

Yeah. I know it well. This writer describes it just as I experience it:

First, I became aware of gaps in my memory. People would mention an event or conversation that I had been party to and I would have absolutely no memory of it. I was reminded of the movie "Memento," in which the main character has lost the ability to store anything in short-term memory. When he met someone new he would take a photo of them and write their name on it because he knew that by the next day he would have no recollection of having ever met them.

I have no way of predicting what I will remember and what I will forget. It isn't really the same as ordinary memory lapses -- forgetting one thing from a long list or forgetting something because you were distracted and not really paying attention when it happened. I think I am paying attention, but ... poof! No memory of whatever I was supposed to do, no recollection of a conversation or event. And it is usually so completely erased that I am initially incredulous. "I already told you? Are you sure?"

So, if I repeat myself or if I have forgotten something you've told me, this is why. I don't dislike you, you are not boring to me, you do make an impression - my mind has simply become a sieve and things sometimes slip through the holes. 

Oops, I almost forgot this.

Am I upset over it?  I've learned to accept it.  I don't like it, but what choice do I have? Life is a challenge - never boring.  One more stumbling block in the "whatever doesn't kill you makes you stronger" path to...to...where am I going again?

Comments

[shelly gates]

My mother just had her first round of chemo last week; of course we expect side effects of this and will try to be patient as she goes through this difficult time. My question: would it have been better for you to know about the 'chemo fog' before expriencing it? I don't know if providing her a copy of this article would be helpful, or just another side effect to become anxious about. Thank you for your insight.

[Gail]

Shelly: I am very sorry about your mother. It's difficult to know whch is worse - going through the experience of cancer, or being the relative and watching it happen to someone you love.

I think your mother should see the article. She should have every piece of information so that she can make the best decisions possible for herself. But you need to know that as a consequence of knowing all the information, she could decide that undergoing chemo is not worth it to her.

It very much depends on the circumstances. For someone like me, I only gained 4 percentage points by taking chemo. Without it, I had a 25% chance of the cancer recurring. With chemo, my chance of recurrence became approximately 21%.

I myself did not completely know of the neurological effects prior to having treatment. People were just beginning to talk more about it at the time. It may (or may not - I really don't know)have been the straw that broke the camel's back for me in terms of refusing chemo entirely. I was already considering not taking it.

My family members insisted that I take the treatment, and I was too weak and emotionally drained after the mastectomy to argue. I don't blame them - I love them for caring so much. And if I'd refused chemo and had a recurrence, I would have certainly regretted not taking it, so maybe they were right.

In the end, given that 7 years have passed and I am feeling healthy and happy, I guess I made the right decision - but it was a very tough choice, and I certainly would want to know each and every detail and side effect before coming to a decision. I'd want to know in advance - hard as it would make it.

All I can say definitively is that being alive is worth it, and you make adjustments as you have to and find you can live with things you never thought you could bear, even though things are never the same. So, I forget a little more than I should. I will be around to see my middle son graduate high school on June 13th. Believe me, I won't forget to be there and enjoy every moment. : )

Your mother is fortunate to have a caring daughter in her life. That will mean a lot to her. Good luck, and if there's anything I can do, please let me know. Hope I didn't muddle you up entirely...

[Caryn]

Hi!
I am a breast cancer survivor, but I'm not so certain that my brain has survived.
Right now there is a warrant out for my arrest. The incident happened over a year ago. I was suppose to go back to court after a year had past.

A year mind you. How about yesterday, or maybe this morning. What did I do this morning or yesterday. If I work on it I may remember part of it.

I really don't know what to do, but I know that I don't want to show up for booking at the county jail and remain there until I can get a court date. A friend suggested that I go into the court room, wait until after the judge had seen everyone else and then plead my case. I have animals to feed.

I've read a lot of stories about Chemobrain. I hope they all have a sense of humor. One woman laughed. She could not find her shoes. She had put them in the freezer. Another woman started to do the laundry and the telephone rang. She hung up the phone, completely forgot she was doing the laundry and started doing something else.

Please share this with other foggy brained persons. I was not aware of chemobrain until I saw an article in a magazine at my oncologist office. I was in Chemo and thought I was going nuts.

Caryn Selden
Copperopolis, CA

Caryn Selden