When Cancer Strikes

I read of the passing of Cathy Seipp and the recurrence of Elizabeth Edward's cancer with great sadness.  I'd read Seipp's blog from time to time.  She was a great writer and a beloved member of the blogosphere and there has been a tremendous outpouring of grief at her passing.

In a matter of moments, Elizabeth Edwards discovered that a killer has spread to her bones.  I sincerely hope she is one of the fortunate few who survive stage 4 cancer and go on to live for many years.

Lately I've been feeling very much like a regular person instead of a cancer survivor, but I feel a bit brought up short and unnerved by this news - particularly Edward's recurrence.      

Comments

[alisa]

I don't know about anyone else, but I think Couric stepped over the line. You do live your life to the fullest---in whatever capacity you deem as "your life"---and in the Edwards' case it is politics. I don't really remember Couric taking off much when her husband and then sister were dying. DH is a "cancer survivor" also, and we talked about that the decision was their to make and in their case proper. I am pretty damn sure it wasn't an easy one, and probably less easy for the spouse without cancer. Those with tend to look at things differently than those of us without. I don't like Couric anyway. She seemed as rude and inconsiderate as Kerry did when he outed Cheney's daughter. There is good taste and bad. Hers (and his)was bad.

[Gail]

Yes, I agree, Alisa. I watched This Week with Stephanopolous this past Sunday, and he had several breast cancer survivors on talking about the issues. Each one of them agreed that the Edwards's should be left alone to make their own decisions without being judged and that the choice is to go on living or to give up and die and that going on living was a better choice.

I will add my survivor voice and say, I agree with them. I can understand being overcome and overwhelmed by such a diagnosis, and I would never ridicule anyone for sinking into depression. No one really knows what they would do until it happens to them - no matter what they might think.

But in my personal opinion, if a person can manage it, a small dose of denial and a large dose of stubborness mixed with optimism and determination is the best way to go. Or not go, as the case may be. Elizabeth Edwards put it best when she noted that we're ALL going to die. Does that mean we ought to sit around waiting for it?

I think it was Cokie Roberts who pointed out that it's one thing for voters to make the decision that John Edwards might not be a good choice because in their opinion he may be too become distracted by his wife's illness to carry out the role of president effectively. They simply don't vote for him. But to judge them for continuing to campaign just doesn't seem right. As counterpoint, George Will noted that Lincoln lost a child while he was president, and that other presidents had lived through trauma while in the White House yet still carried out their jobs.

If anything, my opinion of Edwards has improved as a result of he and his wife's reaction. They have both been very honest and open and I don't get any sense of phoniness from them. They are dealing with a major trauma and are doing so in a very admirable fashion.

[alisa]

I agree with you (surprise! surprise!) Until the big c word comes into your life up close and personal one cannot begin to understand. One of the things with dh, he never stopped working, even on chemo days. People would come to ME saying why are you letting him do that and so on. It upset me because I thought "I" somehow was failing him by letting him do what made "him" happiest and most content. I finally asked a nurse friend what I should tell them and she said, easy....two words...SHUT UP! You know what? It worked! :-)

[Gail]

Yup. Best answer.

I quit my job as soon as I was diagnosed, but my kids were 17, 12 and 10 and whatever energy I had, I wanted to devote to them. I was facing mastectomy and heavy duty chemo. I could not have pictured pouring myself into teaching and then coming home and having nothing left to give and being sick as a dog. My eldest was about to leave for college, daughter was always a handful and it just seemed like the right thing to do at the time. In retrospect, it was the right decision to have made. But once again, it was a personal choice. No one could have made it but me, when you got right down to it.

Elizabeth Edwards is in a different place. The treatment for recurrent breast cancer has fewer side effects than the initial treatment. She won't be undergoing surgery. If she feels she has it in her - and she knows what she has to do, what her children require and what campaigning means, I say more power to her.

[Patti]

If I can remember not to think of anything for a moment or two, I feel normal. But then...

There are still too many discomforts (and a J-Tube) left over from surgery not to define myself by my cancer yet.

[Gail]

Oh my, Patti, you have really been through the mill, lady. You are doing so wonderfully and are an incredible shining example to all. Keep doing what you are doing, and one of these days, you will be feeling like your old self again too. Lots of good healing thoughts continuing to be sent your way.

[DRaftervoi]

I wish the best of luck to Mrs. Edwards and hope that she recovers. As for Mr. Edwards, I wish him everything except the Presidency, and that's because of policy differences, not personal animosity.